Calamity Clegg strikes again

Liberal leader Nick Clegg, plotting to remove his colleagues from their jobs

Bumbling liberal leader Nick Clegg is scrambling around trying to reassure senior colleagues that he does not "loathe" them and think they are "useless".  

The liberal leader, who has had difficulty being taken seriously since revealing that he had slept with "no more than" 30 women, was overheard bitching about senior colleagues on a domestic flight.  

The liberal leader was given his "Calamity Clegg" nickname by his rival for the liberal leadership, Chris Hune, who found himself in the firing line.  Clegg reportedly said of his rival that he is not 'emotionally intelligent' enough to stay in his job.  

But the gaff prone liberal leader saved the best for energy spokesman Steve Webb, saying,

Webb must go. He's a problem. I can't stand the man. We need a new spokesman.

We have to move him. We need someone with good ideas. At the moment, they just don't add up.

But we need to keep him in the cabinet. As a backbencher, he'd be a pain in the arse, a voice for the Left. And we can't move him before the spring.

Danny Alexander, the liberal leader's Chief of Staff, presumably a "Smithers" figure, with whom Clegg was gossiping about their colleagues reassured his leader, telling him: 'You have to be firm.' 

Earlier this year the liberal leader, who is in politics to fight for increased taxes and increased state benefits, declared that the state pension was £30.  It is actually over £90.